The build up has started

Anyone else know they should come offline when they get tired but don't? I am tired, and achy yet wide awake. Suppose a milky coffee was not a good idea! To be honest I have actually relaxed more, but also know it is not good for my health. I think it was the fact it is more peaceful and I can be alone, and I felt the need to write to my little boy. Who actually will not be little as of next month. 18 heavenly year's!!! I choose now only to remember the magical short moments I had carrying him, to honouring each angelversary. This year I don't want fluffy graphics, and we all find them cute. But, I want to do him football, and father and son graphics. He would of been going out with his dad for his first THE FIRSTS AGAIN!!! It is the build up to an angelversary or heavenly birthday that hits me the hardest. The actual day well it feels like it goes so quick. You plan, or go with the flow. Sometimes resenting those that forget to call or text, or those that do and do not say anthing. I learnt that it is down to not wanting to hurt my feelings as the years have passed. Yet, that is exactly what people do without realising. I sometimes regret not having a voice back then. But, I also know deep down that the pain was only being numbed by anger. I hated my body, and the whole world. So, me being me I know I would have had a sarcastic reply regardless. I can now hear the birds singing and should go to bed. I think it has to be some #mindfulnesspracticet

Positive from the day 1. I wrote the special letter and card for my boy. 2. I slept when I was tired 3. Making special elephant keepsake boxes *** If you are awake I hope you get to switch off soon, sweet dreams *** Luanne x