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Harry Rimmer

Baby Loss Dad to Jonathan Joseph Rimmer (17w 4d) Natural

Baby Loss Dad to Ruby & Phillip Rimmer (13w 4d) IVF

Baby Loss Dad Snowdrop Twins (6-7w) Embryo Adoption

Partner in crime, the wife Luanne Rimmer

Married 5th July 2005 - Remarried April 2013 - Renewal 2025

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Jonathan Joseph Rimmer

This picture is on son's heavenly 10th birthday, It is one of the rare photographs I have of me and my dad too. 

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Ruby & Phillip Rimmer

God we had gone through so much heart ache and failed attempts, I think we were both so tired and ready to throw in the towel. Like everything bills pile up, I was numb after losing my mum in the March 2011. We had booked a trip to Spain it was not to hot and Luanne had found a clinic that had amazing results. Eugin I think it was called, it was so modern and clinical, everything was white and crisp clean. If I am honest I actually felt like a spare part through the whole appointment. Luanne asking questions and the nurse coming in to take bloods, and so much going on I switched off. We began a journey that I feel I just showed up too as and when required. All I could think of was at least we have not gone down the route of a  to face donor in the UK, as Luanne was willing to literally do anything to get pregnant. The week was filled with every other day at the clinic, and appointments booked for the following month. It was and still is just a blur for me as I had began to shut down inside and was worried about my dad being on his own in Runcorn, and hour away from us. I felt like Luanne did not need me or even want me during those few months. November came and we had to fly back over it was my mums birthday and I was reluctant to go. But I did and I waited and waited like before and did crossword after crossword until I could see her. We flew home that afternoon, and stayed with my dad who picked us up from the airport. I got to see my mum but only for about 15 minutes as they were closing the cemetery. Within weeks the dreaded phone call after the blood results came. We both were nervous and it rang I answered and as normal Lou is like pass me the phone. It was confirmed we were pregnant. I never felt anything I know now it was because I was grieving and it never kicked in until Christmas Day, when we announced it to family. Fast forward to 5th March 2012 and it was a hard day for Lou as it was her first baby Jessica's 21st heavenly birthday. I never wanted her to go to Liverpool that day, but she did... I messaged her a few times, and she called me on my break to say she was home about 5pm. Said she was going grab a shower and early night. About 9,45pm I got a call it was from Luanne's work colleague she was losing the twins. I had to get a tram home, and I had no idea what to expect as I had never seen a dead baby. As I got the house there was an ambulance and neighbours, the paramedic approached me to tell me she had it in her hands and refused anyone to go in, our Rottweiler was at the entrance to the bathroom door and refused anyone to go in. Tarka was a beautiful mild dog, that never growled or made people uncomfortable. When I reached the bathroom it felt like a massacre had happened. I could see a sack n the floor and a tiny clot thing next to it. I picked them up and began washing them in the sink. It was a tiny little head I had been washing unknown to me, but I just knew I had to wash them. Luanne was bleeding heavily and in pain, when she moved from the toilet I could see another little sack. I placed my hand in and took out my son, Phillip I washed him too. I took a bowl from the paramedic and the same guy said put everything in there and we will dispose of it everything. It was that moment I could feel my piss boil, I swear Tarka knew and she began growling. I asked for them to leave, we were refusing treatment, and I knew she had heard what he had said. All Luanne asked for was the priest, and I did not care about the time I rang and rang until he picked up. Within an hour he was at our home, and helped me place the babies into a container. No sooner had he gone, Luanne started to drink a whole litre of vodka. So much had gone on and I wanted to join her, but I couldn't I did not have the words she needed to hear. I knew she would literally tear pieces of me in a row drunk and I was not prepared to deal with a pissed up wife who should have been in hospital. I cleaned the bathroom sobbing looking at blood stained towels. It look like a massacre had gone on. It still gives me nightmares, and I have no idea where the strength came from to wash and cover our babies in a dignified way. We had a full funeral for the twins, thanks to Father Glover. My dad buried them in a beautiful plant so they could be near us in our garden, He said when it was his time to go they could go with him. I can only remember the song Lou played over and over all day, by the afternoon she was intoxicated and went up to the bedroom to be alone. Alone is where I sat reading the beautiful cards we received and messages from family,  friends and Lou's work colleagues. Our next door neighbour had texted and asked if I wanted to go around. She was close to us and worked for Luanne previously as a P.A. I have no idea why  I went. Was I  lonely, broken probably, but nothing happened. She was caring and affectionate asking me how I was . It was good to let all the anger and pain out without feeling judged. The days passed and I could see Luanne drinking more, it started off relaxing and talking to sad songs, Two weeks had passed and we were like ships passing in the night. Every night Luanne would drink and I would stay out of her way, I was not becoming her human punchbag. We had gone out to watch a Liverpool game. We had a great time, and then out of the blue she confronted me about going next door on the night of the twins funeral, and she had read kind messages Bella had sent me. My world crashed that day, she literally threw me and all my belongings out into the road, and Bella was kindly told to leave too. She was renting a house from Luanne's friend, and knew she was going to be given notice. She left by the following week. I moved back in with my dad and was glad of the breather. My dad drove everyday up to visit Luanne, each week he would buy her flowers as I had done every week since we had married. He and her they became close, On those morning he visited her she would never drink, but he knew and could smell it on her from the night before. What was worse is she was still going to work. She was a ticking time bomb and there was nothing I could do without being hurt further to prevent her from drinking. Less than 4 months had passed, Luanne had filed for divorce online, and asked me to pay. We could not have a civil conversation and It was like looking through the darkest hole when I looked into her eyes. Luanne attempted suicide and was brought back after lethal overdose. The woman I married died the day our twins did. I felt like I had lost her for good.

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Snowdrop Twins

Embryo Adoption, not something you hear of to be honest. But if anyone was going to find out it had to be my wife. 2016 was one of the happiest and hardest years of my life. To watch the woman you love, adore and walk heaven and earth be there for everyone else and still be able to deal with whatever was thrown at her. It never felt clinical but that is why money speaks volumes, especially within fertility treatment. Lou had found a clinic and explained that the next treatment would not be her eggs or my sperm. It would be from a couple who had never lost and successfully had children. She would carry the fertilised eggs and possible 3 which was higher than the UK from a couple that we would choose. When I look back it is quite scarey to think how desperate we were to be parents, and no matter how much it cost we would face it head on. Over £27,4000 we spent during the last 20 years on treatment. But we never looked back on the cost just the miracle that was short lived in 2016. Pregnant with twins we were static and did not want to share with anyone, we wanted to keep it a surprise as long as we could. Luanne was delivering palliative care to my dad while I continued to work full-time. She refused any help or carers, until 10 days before he died. They were so close and the last few years he had supported her more than me if I am honest. Still grieving my son, and my mum, I had not even begun to grieve the twins. Lost and just wanting to please her because she was and is my world. Luanne had been warned not to life, to rest, to stop and enjoy the pregnancy. We were flying back to Prague a week later and she knew the risks involved. It was around 11am and I was walking back from the paper shop and I could hear commotion. I could hear Luanne screaming, it must have took me seconds to get to her. My dad had had a heart attack and she had dragged him out of the bath and was trying to resuscitate him. I could not get up the stairs for our neighbours, one of which was a paramedic and took over. He was blue lighted to NMGH and one of our neighbours kindly drove us there. He had survived and was being moved to a ward. At this stage I could see Lou was acting weird, frustrated, and as normal demanding she was with him. I asked her to sit down, it was not like we could do anything. It was going to be hours, and I knew she needed rest. It felt like hours before I got her home. She was not looking good but said she was fine. So, the next day we were going to a private appointment for a scan. I was excited and she was so quiet. But I had grown used to Lou keeping things in and thought in an hour she is going to be smiling and we can go for lunch and chill out before visiting my dad. Within that hour it was confirmed she had miscarried, and was currently losing them as she lay there. If I am honest I was so angry with her for carrying my dad, I was fuming and said things that I will always regret. At that moment in time I was so angry with Lou and my dad and I could not keep in what I had to say. It was along time coming I thought, the two people I loved just ruined everything. Lou never spoke not one word. We went home she lay down and hours went by, I went to Dave's next door and I needed a drink. Our neighbours and friends were amazing all rallying round. It was about 7pm and Lou had come down dressed and said I am going to see your dad. I had a few by then and did not want a row with her, I just followed on and got into the taxi. When we got there she never spoke about the babies, she just hugged and chatted to dad. Fixing his pillows, changing him, combing his hair, and getting him ready. The nurses had said they would assist, but no she would not let anyone touch him. That week was another visit to the hospital but for a scan to confirm there were no remains inside her of the babies,  we had another appointment but she refused any support. Somehow we got through the days and weeks, and Dad stayed with us until 18th July 2016. He passed with me and Lou by his side just as he had wanted. It was only then did I see Lou break down, and when I say breakdown she broke and sobbed uncontrollably through the night he passed at 10.18pm. I stayed with him downstairs while Lou went to bed. I know she never slept that night as I never and could hear her. Years later I asked her would she have done anything different and she said no. Not because she did not care, but she had a split second to make a decision. The choice was my dad. We had planned to leave it a while and try again, but  mentally I knew it would destroy the both of us. That decision was taken out of hands when Lou was diagnosed with cancer of the womb. It took her dear friend Paul to convince her as he was dying to have a hysterectomy. 

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