This year our twin's (Ruby & Phillip) would be starting secondary school, our Embryo Adoption (Snowdrop Twins - miscarried in 2016) would be 7 year's old, and starting Junior school. And, I find myself wondering what secondary school, or high school (depending on where you are from, depends on what you call the next level of education) they would be attending. These quotes have just popped up on our Facebook Angel Parents UK & Worldwide community page. To be honest, it was only reading the memories did I realise it would have been an important year for my own children. Last year, I would have been mortified I had forgotten, or missed the memories. But, the truth is this year there have been a few wobble moments over memories and I learnt and still am how to plan ahead. It may help, it may not! But, I always say what have I got to lose, only gain, and I have been learning how to prepare and deal with such days in therapy. Even after so many year's, I still need to check in and sound off, or help deal with something new to me.
So, please do not think you should not be feeling this, or have similar experiences, I call it #bereavedparentguilt many of us can get it, actually I do not think I have came across any parent who has never felt it, at some point during their journey. Yes, my heart did get a warm hug! I am also beginning to realise that to be a 'good' parent' that have I do not have to follow every day, or an event, organisation. I need to look inside my toolbox and use what is good for me. We all learn this too!
TIP - There is only one golden rule.... Do what is right for you! That is how you will get through every special, day, event, even Angelversary's.
So, how do we as parents get through these special days, event, and Angelversary's? Well the truth is just like our little one's that have gone on before us it really is individual, just like our 'DNA' There is no right or wrong way. and that is so important to remember to help you when there are tough day's. You have a RIGHT to feel any emotion, and YOU have the right to share too. If you struggle to find the words, then please feel free to share a quote or this BLOG to let other's know it is a delicate time right now for you. Sometimes writing those feelings down can help, reflecting back on precious year's helps you think back to how far you have come. We can all create magical memories, and remember there is no 'RULE' book!
Quotes to share:
'The Empty Doorstep' by S Owen no matter when I read this beautiful poem it brings me to tears. Actually, they all tug at my heart. But, this particular poem just reaches right inside of me. Sometimes, when we face this it can be heartbreaking, this is when you need to take care of yourself. There are going to be the important ones, the heartbreaking ones to read for many 1st days, or milestone's. And that is normal, a suggestion maybe to share a quote that describes how you feel. It can sometimes help as we have found over the year's, for other's to understand it is a emotional time for you right now. It is another hurdle we face, and there really is no way of getting around it. We have to jump, be mindful and do what is best for ourselves. Another reason we have shared early this year, is our parents in Scotland will have endured this over the last two weeks, as they return to school, and start August. So, we apologise firstly for the late post. Please, please we welcome your feedback on how you felt, how you got through the last two weeks. You can comment below, or email us at email@example.com and the team will email you back to confirm.
Tip 2 - SHARE from Luanne
Record how you are feeling? Write these emotions, maybe write a letter to your little one, say their name. Or maybe, share a post, poem, or quote to show other's how you are feeling, while helping to create awareness.
I keep thinking where would we be living, what secondary school they would be getting ready to go too. Would I have moved to Scotland, or stayed in the North? It is weird the things your mind starts to quiz, and sometimes the what if's can be the dreams you have that night too. Not all of the what if's break us! We learn I think, to find ways that help us individually on our journey. Parents share, because they care! They always will, and we know firsthand as baby and child loss parents that those precious special days can hurt too. So, if you are struggling please drop us a message on the chat, and when one of the team is online they will get back to you. You can also register as a member if you require 121 support. We can also help signpost you to the relevant support groups that could help provide the care you need.
Volunteer Work in September: Hospital Boxes, Prepare for NEW Project deliveries, School Visit
Commitments: Start back at University, prepare for Baby Loss Awareness Week and 15th October 2023 New Launches, and hopefully a few days away with Harry and Nathan. more Selfcare and Mindfulness sessions.
Tip 3 - SHARE from Luanne
You could encourage your son, or daughter to keep a journal of how they felt, either through writing or drawings. Many of our parents have shared that this has helped them and their familes. creating
This November our NEW Sibling Project launches in Scotland, and Katy's Mum, Tracy will be sharing details during Baby Loss Awareness Week., 2023 If, you would like to get involved then please drop her an email to firstname.lastname@example.org Please, please share and comment away.