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International Bereaved Mother’s Day takes place on the first Sunday of May each year. A day in which bereaved mothers globally come together to support and honour their babies and children who have sadly passed away, as well as providing a safe space for each other to share and express their grief together. Inspired and organised by baby loss mum CarlyMarie Dudley in 2010, and to validate motherhood and she organised her the first International Bereaved Mother’s Day, which is now recognised by thousands across the world within the baby loss community. CarlyMarie understood such heartache and tragedy after the birth of her son Christian who was born sleeping in 2007. CarlyMarie expressed her grief journey through artwork, her blog, and running community projects for other bereaved mothers to take part globally. She in fact built a community, a network of other bereaved mother’s who supported each other regardless of the age their baby or child passed away. For me personally it was the first time I had seen and experienced such an inclusive approach to baby and child loss.
In the UK, at the time the baby loss community was dominated by 2 organisations that had restrictions upon joining, such as your baby’s gestation and how they passed. Which also applied to volunteering, to be honest I really struggled to comprehend this and still do today. To me baby loss was baby loss regardless of the age, or the reason your baby passed. Probably, because no matter how old you are up North in England you are still your parents’ baby. They do no worry or love you less as you age, in fact I would say the fear and worry can intensify as we become more independent. We are always their babies, their children. I guess for me I applied this to my babies that had passed away. Over the years International Bereaved Mother’s Day has grown and it is a time where we can all actively play a part in showing love and support for the brave, beautiful, courageous mothers who continue to mother their children without them in their arms, we have saying in the baby loss community, “We carry our children in our hearts, until the day we can wrap our arms around them.” CarlyMarie’s approach was also more spiritual for me and after years of being angry with God for allowing the most precious things on earth to die, and for some in such horrific cases I truly welcomed this approach to managing and validating my own grief as a bereaved mother.
You can also find beautiful and more detailed video’s of CarlyMarie work on on YouTube. So, how do we support each other, or a bereaved mother on International Bereaved Mother’s Day? In some ways no different than Mothering Sunday, but with a softer approach as it is not about gifts, it is about acknowledging her baby and her right as mother to be loved. For someone who never took part in Mothering Sunday until 2015 I think what I personally needed was people to say my children’s name, to ask me how I was feeling, if I had anything planned, or if I would like to do something together. Letting me know they were there if I needed them. Unfortunately, for me and I know over the years other baby loss mothers who have shared with me have experienced this too . I was simply left alone on this day, and I mean alone! No one spoke about it, this taboo was brushed under the carpet. It was like saying children did not die! I know with my family that many were scared to upset my feelings, yet in fact they did just that, and they thought that if they never said or did anything that the day would pass quicker. In fact, it caused a lot of resentment and in later years when I was able to talk about it, I could see why my actions around that time were a way of me of me expressing my grief and pain towards them and society.
So, swiftly moving forward to honouring this day with other baby and child loss mother’s is something that at Angel Parents UK, I look forward to doing each year. Because together we share not just our journeys, but advice, the good the bad and the ugly of baby and child loss. We create personalised graphics and do special giveaways, acts of kindness with each other and our local communities, and if we want to share our journeys public. Many bereaved mother’s still struggle today, or for those who are new to the community we encourage “Saying their precious Names” We share how old our children would be now, and how the year has been. To the heartache that someone is feeling, as we know grief can be unbearable at times. So, we run private peer support groups, share quotes that our bereaved mothers can resonate with, and we open our doors across social media, so they know they are not alone.
In addition to this we must be careful about our team too, as they are bereaved mother’s and like most organisations are volunteers. This is and can be a very emotional time of year for everyone. So, we don’t over promise on what we can deliver, we don’t shake the collection buckets or donate posts, we simply SHARE because we CARE. Which means when you want to take part you can do so within a calm, and safe environment. So, this year we have decided to run our event on our webpage to not overload our social media platforms as parents who are struggling can find this difficult, and dads especially. As we are all aware they grieve too and there is an International Men’s Day, but the emphasis has always been on celebrating Bereaved Mothering Sunday for bereaved mothers. I have listed further down information and support networks should your partner be affected this Sunday, or in need of support. Please feel free to message us and we will as always help signpost them to an organisation best suited to their individual needs.
What do we have planned for 2024 International Bereaved Mothering Sunday!!
We have our annual International Bereaved Mother’s personalised graphic listed below, free of charge (we do not charge for graphics). If you would like one, please follow the below steps.
1. SHARE the post so we can help create more AWARENESS of baby and child loss.
2. Please COMMENT below your baby or child’s name you would like us to add.
3. Please use MANNERS, it is as easy as that.
This Bereaved Mothering Sunday we will be opening our NEW Baby Memorial Garden and we will have a 8pm candlelight service which will be recorded, and each baby or child that we have completed a graphic for will be added to our special “Say their Names” reading. If you would prefer us not to add then please drop us an email or message the page directly, support@handmadewithlove.net
Our annual special handmade with love GIVEAWAY’s that our team have handmade with love, or some of the new memorial items that we have purchased. So keep your eyes peeled. SIGN UP as a member and you will be kept up to date with information and special events. We truly hope this weekend is gentle on you all and if you are in need of support, we will be online to from 8.3oam until 10pm.
How you can support a bereaved mother this weekend – Our helpful hints and suggestions have come from bereaved mothers and fathers. We will be sharing posts across the weekend to support those in need.
** Please note...
If a dad is struggling mentally, as well as emotionally please signpost them to Andy’s Man Club who have outlets all over the UK. Whilst there are more bereaved dads group continuing to grow across the UK, we still have a long way to go. I have found when speaking to baby loss dads that the support they receive from Andy’s deals directly with the emotional aspect of life for men. We do have two baby loss dads on our team, and one has previously attended Andy’s man club and found it more comfortable to share his emotions and about having a shit day, without facing head on talking about the death of his daughter.
Everyone is different, we all need some kind of emotional support and not everything is a one size only fit. You can also find links and information of Bereaved Dad Groups on our support page, and posts we share on our social media platforms. For those thinking of their partner right now, please look at some of the organisations that we have worked with or used before at Angel Parents UK & Worldwide, as at Angel Parents UK & Worldwide we will only share organisations that we have personally received support from, or who our families have shared their good experiences within. Why, because this saves us as volunteers having to screen organisations
• Daddys with Angels
• Joel's Bereaved Dads Club
• Aching Arms (Angel Dads Support Group) offer a more personalised 121 approach through booking an online appointment with a fully trained bereavement Manager.
• Angels United FC
• Tommy’s
• Baby Loss Alliance Group (BLAW) who have a list of organisations they recommend) and have a bigger platform and funding to do their own research and advertising for parents.
• Dads and Lads Network
