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After months of notice I still somehow managed to get it completely wrong on where we were supposed to be. I had just seen the word Lowery and presumed it was in the beautiful hotel. Hmm wrong, we finally arrived at our destination were there was complete sighs of relief, and I was whisked so quickly into the room. People smiling and saying hi, I had no idea, and I was so relieved when we stopped, we had our seats close to everything. Finally, Harry, Keiran, and Sam arrived and smiled. I was feeling calm because I simply had zero thoughts of being chosen. I shared the amazing people I was nominated with and thought wow. So, I honestly was not thinking when they read out my name and shared the photograph, I looked half asleep on. (Permission was given).
My knees went to jelly, I could not stand on my own, and I just felt Harry’s arms under me saying it is okay, I am here. On crutches and we managed to hit the stage, with Harry holding my hand I was awarded a trophy which was very heavy, and I was whispering “can you take it. Till the next person said can you hold the trophy.” I only had to give Harry that look, and he knew I wanted to move on, sit down and just take in what had happened, as I completely broke down. Sobbing and unable to really speak, and what I did say I can hardly remember. I just know everything I said, it was said looking at the most kind, caring, beautiful human being in my life. My husband, Harry, and to thank him for everything he does and does not do in supporting every project, tear, late night discussions, you name it, he is my rock, my best friend, and the father of my children who have gone on before us.
What I do remember is talking to 3 beautiful women who shared with me their raw losses. 3 Grandparents, and one great grand parent who I hugged before we spoke, as when you know you know. One family had just had the funeral that morning for their little one that had passed, and how the mum was and needed aftercare. They spoke highly of SANDS and how they had supported them on their journey. They asked about volunteering, but in each ones eyes I know they needed to connect, they needed to share the pain they were feeling as bereaved grandparents. My stomach was turning as normally I would have put my hand on theirs and went and found a quiet place. But I had to go here and there, and I began to feel a little overwhelmed. The other grandparent had that evening driving to the event that their beautiful grandchild who was her son’s had died. How she came from is beyond me, and especially as she was so broken I could see behind her eyes. I felt compelled to chat and reach out. But at these events it is really hard to hear yourself think. They reminded me of one of the strongest Angel Grandmothers I know, someone who is so close to my heart.
So, this evening I am lighting a candle for the two little ones who had grown their wings and was proud to speak and meet their grandparents, and hopefully we can stay in touch. And a candle for Jane and Willow who are forever remembered and hold a piece of so many of our hearts. Mental Health KILLS… it not only takes that person away from you, but the hidden pain they will have endured along the way is just too unbearable for so many…As a survivor and every day I wake I know there is more to me and the life I am allowed to love, smile, and exist within.
It was an honour to WIN the award. It has made me reflect on so much this last weekend, and also make some brave decisions in taking the next steps for me and Harry, as well as the work we do with so many within the baby loss community. Thank you to Emma at Tally's Kitchen for supporting and securing offices for us within her building. So, a new office, a new storage area, a place for our families, and volunteers to come together and help make precious memories. Like everyone we are planning for Baby Loss Awareness Week and as a member of the Baby Loss Alliance we are asking our parents, followers, and everyone to share turning as many buildings pink and blue for #blaw2024 and the 15th of October. We will be campaigning as we do each year and need your help with sharing and gaining signatures in your local communities. On top of that it is back to university in 6 days, so I must pull my socks up and get organized. It was a busy, overwhelming moment and I was honoured to have been chosen, thank you all.
Special thank you to our beautiful friends Sam and Keiran who have played an important part in mine and Harry's life. Our old neighbours who we miss every day.. but know they are only 15 minutes away. Thank you for making Friday so special.
Luanne Rimmer
Director & Founder (Baby Loss Parent)
Handmade with Love & Making Memories CIC
Angel Parents UK & Worldwide
Making Memories Together
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