Life after Katy

Today, is the 28th February 2024 and as a family we should be celebrating my daughter Katy's 15th birthday together.  Yet, instead I will be spending time at her forever bed as this will be her 3rd heavenly birthday. Taking that time out from the world and sharing my beautiful daughter. It has certainly been a journey and since Katy has passed we had endured many losses with family and friends. It opened my eyes to the lack of services within the NHS, schools, and local communities.

Each year, the run up to Katy's birthday we have held a fundraiser, not only to raise funds for Handmade with Love & Making Memories CIC, Asthma UK, but also to raise awareness surrounding asthma and the grief cycle. No 2 losses are the same, we have a saying between Admin and it is something I learnt very quickly supporting other's is that each person' or child's DNA is different (Twins included) and so is their grief. Listening to someone talk about their pain, emptiness, as well as loneliness gives you the incentive to make a difference to another parent.. This is the 3rd year we have held a birthday fundraiser in Katy's memory and is something we will continue to do each year.

Since Katy took her last breath on 2nd November 2021 fundraising has become something I am passionate about.  So far our fundraising event have included a fun day at a local DIY store, taking part in the Kilt 'Walk (which I am doing again this year along with Katy's siblings),  We have held a race night and this year's fundraiser was a 'Psychic' night.  Each event we hold has a special guest for the raffle in the form of Stitch and Angel soft toys.  The reason behind this is due to Katy loving stitch, it feels like their is a little bit of Katie there and is an icebreaker when people talk to me about Child Loss.

As well as holding fundraiser's I now support other's who are struggling with their grief as I found that after Katy died, followed 7 days later by my dad that I couldn't find support for not only myself but also my children.  I felt alone, isolated and I didn't want others to feel like that.  So, after joining Angel Parents UK as an Admin, Luanne spoke to me about setting the 'All inclusive' peer support group up. We started running the group twice a week, but have not cut back time from a face to face meeting group every other Tuesday, and we will be introducing Coffee, Chat, & Craft after Easter and hope to get continue to find ways to support those who are struggling with grief and need a focus. The group run's with Handmade with Love's and Angel Parent UK's motto, "It is OK not to be OK, it is just not OK to do it alone.

We all know from Covid outbreak that many suffer in silence, we have seen mental health decline and we are keen to offer our local community a safe place to share, come together, and use Art & Crafts to help give focus. We have young Ambassador's of which my daughter Maycee is a Lead, she supports he local school with mental health packs for their hub, and she deliver's out in the community. She has recently just raised £129.00 with another one of our young ambassador's Izaak for their NEW community project which they are hoping to launch in August/September of this year.

My children wanted to get involved, they needed to feel like they were doing something for their sister, and since Katy's death together we have found that fundraising and opening up about the lack of services for families, as well as parents needs to be changed, especially in our local community. We have held and attended various events during the last 3 years and I would say giving back to those who have helped and supported us as a family has truly helped us all with our grief. One of the children's favourite things to do is the 'Act of Kindness' deliveries. We first got involved with the Handmade with Love Baby Loss Awareness AOK by putting them together and handing them out in the community to support a National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss in the UK. Contrary to belief we do not have a nominated day to honour babies and infants who die, which totally shocked me. But, then again we are not aware of these kind of services, or events until you too go through such a loss. In addition to this we do eco-friendly balloon, lantern, and petal releases. At these events we write down messages that have been received from bereaved parents, and families and create magical memories for them to keep and look back upon. It can help a family during their child's heavenly birthday or angelversary, it also allows them to know that we are in this together.

So, I have truly enjoyed fundraising and being hands on within the Management team, I was offered counselling and support through Handmade with Love & Making Memories, and at Angel Parent' s UK I am an Admin, but most importantly I am a bereaved parent support another bereaved parent. This year I have more fundraising in the pipeline which as I said earlier includes the Kilt Walk with Katy's siblings, being out in the open is something that I also believe has helped with my families selfcare and grief. We still have our moments and it still feels like we only yesterday. The lonely part as we all know is when we close the door after the funeral, events, and everyone else gets on with their lives, do not get me wrong I totally was one of those people before Katy died. It was always about paying your respects, and honouring those which have passed. But, when it is a baby or child you know it is different, your world is ripped apart and you find yourself isolated, angry, broken and unable to fix it. Because that is what a parent does. I must be on an Adeline rush as in June this year I am also taking part in an abseil down Anfield Stadium with one of Handmade with Love & Making Memories Director's Harry, who is doing this in memory of his son Jonathan, twins Ruby and Philip, and his twin snowdrops who all sadly died during pregnancy. This week Harry disclosed to me was the main reason was to support more young people with making memories and has been working for two months now on a community project with our young ambassador's and his wife Luanne.

I have found that having a focus on giving my heart especially at this time of year, gives my heart a hug each day, and that comes from giving back to other's. Seriously, I do not mean to sound cliché about it, but I would highly recommend other's to volunteer too, being part of this amazing team has saved ,e from myself, it s like a ritual, and without knowing you become part of a community that is a family. Most of all it helps us to keep grounded and find ways to keep our precious Katy's memory alive.

2nd November 2021 was the hardest day I have ever had to endure, but now everything I do is done in memory of you Katy Elouise Bulpitt and I am forever proud of you and will continue to share your voice in helping others., You are and always will be missed and loved by so many princess!

Forever loved, always missed, I hope to share over the coming weeks the community projects as well as the training and how other's can get involved. Thank you for reading till the end, sometimes there is so much to share it is so hard were to start from. I will be back out in the community and my goal is to ensure schools have the tools to support young people, as well as communities having a place to feel safe, this I truly believe will help with mental health and learning to own our own grief.

Sending all my love if you are struggling today, and sending floaty kisses to way beyond the moon and stars for my princess. I believe their special day will com soon, and we will all be there to ensure as many families are offered the chance to dress their precious babies under 20 weeks. Harry has taught me that there is more hope for men now, we just have to break the stigma that is associated with this. Please remember to be gentle to yourselves and ask for help, I am were I am today because I took that leap!

Shine bright tonight princess - We are never apart, I carry you every day in my heart, Forever loved, forever missed, and yet your legacy continues.

All my love Tracy xx