The day before, the day before.

On the 13th June, they told us he was gone, and Harry, I don't talk about that day as much as we should. Because that day is the shitty one, that is the one that broke the two of us apart. We learnt to deal with it so differently. This year, we are getting there. I have chosen not to say those words today!. Because I remember the precious moments, it's all any of us have left, Baby and child loss parents.

On the 15th, our precious little boy was born. Tiny hands, tiny feet, I saw one of each as he was taken away. That was our "Hello before Goodbye." 21 years have passed, and every day I wake knowing in my womb where I held you within me for 17 weeks and 4 days, I was the priviliged one. I have grown to love you more. And every day since you grew your wings, I hold you more in my heart. Knowing in your memory, we get to bring love, comfort, hope, joy, and a bit of our son in every rainbow pack, box, and tiny baby grow we pack.

The truth is, it became a ritual that Harry and I only packed them, with our hands, it's like we pack that bit of him. I need to be in control. Knowing each one going out would be appreciated, and sharing the why behind the bag and #sayhisname. It was our "dream" - We know now, as they are being packed in Scotland, and will be this October in Northern Ireland, that the parents, families that take part, do it with love too, actually more and more. Everyone deserves their precious moments, too. It's something the whole Admin Team loves having, their Hospital and Community boxes done in memory of their little ones, and big ones with our beautiful young Katy. I cannot wait to see the little people's faces when they launch "Well Being Bags for Us," with Katy's Smile special boxes inside, containing all the items that Tracy and her family have chosen. What an honour it is, as I know how much it means.

I am awful for saying, "It is not about us, it is about the babies and children." I could kick myself at times, too. This year, it feels like I don't have to ask permission, I don't have to forgive anyone, and the most important one was myself. I get to be a proud mum, knowing that my little boy gave me the gift of bringing a smile to rainbow families, as he was my rainbow. Thank you, Jonathan Joseph Rimmer, my boy. "Happy Heavenly Birthday", for Monday, I get to share the weekend of birthday celebrations too. As 13th June is my 53rd Birthday.

Smiling, I think about a 21-year-old who has travelled in hearts, and so many who made it possible. How blessed I feel, and I know Harry feels it too. To all our ladies who create the beautiful handmade first hats, bonding squares, fish for dad, or a partner to hold when they hear those tiny screams, or when you visit the hospital for your appointments. Ending with a rainbow smile is what it is about, spreading only the colours that bring us a huge heart, huge too, and Carter, aged ten, one of our young ambassadors, who is blowing us away with his ideas and amazing creations. And yes, there is a rainbow in his new craft pack.

We look forward to delivering the bags to Laura, Sharon, and Leighanne, the Early Pregnancy Loss Units' Lead Bereavement Nurses, at The Royal Oldham, EPAU, over the next few days. A huge thank you to all of the team who know who Jonathan the Caterpillar is, and I guess they have all had a cuddle too. He has been made for two special little boys, each one different, sensory needs met, and smiles and giggles. achieved thanks to Joyce.

I am blessed for being able to start this community program and know it will continue working with and alongside other organisations, healthcare professionals, local communities, and on our webpage for families: www.handmadewithlove.net

Supporting Pregnancy after Loss - Rainbow Baby.

I will meet you in my dreams, son.

I love you today, tomorrow, and forever  

Mum xx

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