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Bereaved Siblings Month
The Forgotten Mourners and the Importance of Remembering
Each year, Bereaved Siblings Day offers an opportunity to acknowledge the brothers and sisters whose lives have been forever changed by the death of a sibling. While much-needed support has improved for bereaved families, siblings are still often described as the "forgotten mourners" of child and baby loss.
When a baby or child dies, parents lose a son or daughter, grandparents lose a grandchild, and extended family lose a family member. Yet siblings lose a relationship unlike any other. They lose a brother, a sister, a playmate, a confidant, and part of their family identity. Their grief deserves recognition, understanding, and support.
Growing Up Alongside an Unspoken Loss
My own understanding of sibling bereavement began with a discovery that changed how I viewed my family. I was around nine years old when I found out that I had another older brother called Phillip. Until that point, I had no idea he had ever existed.
Phillip had died on 28 December 1972 at just three months old from what was known at the time as "cot death", now recognised as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS).
What struck me most was that his name was never mentioned. There were no stories, no photographs displayed, and no conversations about the baby boy who had been part of our family. It felt as though he had simply disappeared from history.
As a teenager, I learned more about Phillip's short life and began to understand why there had been such silence around his death.
In the early 1970s, baby loss was rarely acknowledged. Bereaved parents were often expected to carry on quietly and return to normal life as quickly as possible. Society did not encourage open conversations about grief, and many families were left to cope alone. The common belief was that talking about loss would only prolong the pain.
Looking back now, I understand that Phillip was not forgotten because he was unloved. The silence existed because grief itself was hidden.
Seeing My Mother's Grief Through Different Eyes
As a child, I struggled to understand why nobody spoke about my brother.
As an adult, and particularly as a bereaved mother myself, I see the situation very differently.
What strikes me now is not the silence itself, but the incredible strength it must have taken for my mother to continue.
She lost her three-month-old son just days after Christmas. She was expected to carry on with family life, manage her own grief, and somehow function in a world that offered very little support or understanding for bereaved parents.
What makes this even more heartbreaking is that Phillip was rarely spoken about by anyone. Family members did not visit to share memories, his name was not regularly mentioned, and there was little acknowledgement of the baby who had lived and was deeply loved.
My mother carried that grief largely alone.
Today, we understand how important it is to speak a baby's name, remember their life, and recognise their place within the family. Yet many parents from previous generations were denied those opportunities.
As both a bereaved sibling and a baby loss mother, I have often reflected on the weight my mother must have carried and the loneliness she may have felt.
What Grieving Siblings Experience
A child's grief is often very different from that of an adult.
Siblings may experience:
Sadness and confusion
Anger and frustration
Feelings of guilt
Fear that someone else may die
Anxiety about family members
Changes in behaviour or school performance
Withdrawal from friends and activities
Difficulty talking about their emotions
Some children ask endless questions. Others remain silent.
Some want to remember their sibling constantly, while others avoid the subject entirely.
Every response is valid.
Children also grieve in stages. They revisit their loss repeatedly as they grow older and develop a deeper understanding of death and its impact.
When Siblings Become the Adult
One of the less recognised impacts of bereavement occurs when siblings feel they need to become the strong one.
Many children and young people witness the devastation their parents are experiencing and instinctively try to help.
They might tell themselves:
"I don't want to upset Mum."
"Dad has enough to deal with."
"I need to be brave."
"I need to look after everyone else."
While these thoughts come from a place of love, they can place an enormous emotional burden on a child.
When siblings suppress their grief to protect others, they may:
Hide their emotions
Stop talking about their feelings
Experience increased anxiety
Feel responsible for family wellbeing
Struggle with loneliness
Develop delayed grief responses later in life
A child should never feel responsible for carrying the emotional weight of adults around them. Bereaved siblings need permission to be children, to cry, to ask questions, and to receive support themselves.
Supporting Bereaved Siblings in the UK
There are many ways parents, carers, schools, and communities can support grieving siblings.
Acknowledge Their Loss
Recognise that they have experienced a bereavement too.
Avoid focusing solely on the parents. Ask the sibling how they are doing and reassure them that their feelings matter.
Keep Talking
Using a sibling's name and sharing memories helps children understand that their brother or sister remains an important part of the family.
Remembering does not create pain. Love already exists. Remembrance simply gives that love a place to go.
Encourage Honest Emotions
Let children know they do not need to be brave all the time.
Create safe spaces where they can talk openly without feeling they need to protect others.
Work With Schools
Teachers and school staff can play an important role in recognising emotional and behavioural changes and ensuring children receive additional support when needed.
Seek Specialist Support
Organisations across the UK provide specialist bereavement support for children, young people, and families affected by child or baby loss.
No family should have to navigate grief alone.
How Phillip's Legacy Lives On
Although Phillip died in 1972, his life continues to influence the lives of others.
On what would have been Phillip's 42nd birthday, Angel Parents UK & Worldwide was founded.
What began as a way of remembering one little boy became a source of support, understanding, remembrance, and connection for thousands of bereaved families across the UK and beyond.
In many ways, Angel Parents UK & Worldwide was born from a recognition of what previous generations often lacked: acknowledgement, understanding, and a safe space to talk about baby loss. Hence the reason for our campaign for a National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy & Infant Loss in the UK. Contrary to belief we do not have such a day.
Phillip's life may have been brief, but his legacy continues through every family that finds support, comfort, and hope through the work of Angel Parents UK & Worldwide.
Remembering Every Sibling, Every Child, Every Story
Bereaved Siblings Day is about more than recognising grief. It is about recognising relationships. It is about acknowledging the brother whose name was never spoken, the sister whose memory lives quietly in family photographs, and the sibling who has spent years carrying unanswered questions.
It is about ensuring that no child feels forgotten within their grief.
For me, it is also about saying my brother's name.
Phillip existed. He was loved. He mattered.
By remembering him, and by supporting bereaved siblings everywhere, we help create a future where no family's loss is hidden in silence and no sibling has to wonder whether their grief matters.
Because every sibling's story deserves to be heard. And every child, no matter how short their life, deserves to be remembered. ❤️
If you have been affected by grief, the loss of a sibling, or are looking for support please see the below organisations who we recommend and have personally used.
Child Bereavement UK
Lullaby Trust
Bliss
Winstons Wish
This graphic is in memory of Katy Elouise Bulpitt who sadly passed away 5 years today, and her siblings.
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