🌿 Gemma’s Mental Health Journey

The first time I sought help for my mental health was around 2017. A lot was happening with my two daughters’ dad in the lead‑up to our final separation in 2016. I knew I needed to leave that toxic relationship, even though the challenges didn’t end there. He was the reason I had to leave my job at the time, and everything felt uncertain.

I went to the doctor and was prescribed medication, along with a place in a CBT group. For me, the group sessions—and even the one‑to‑one meetings—didn’t feel helpful. What made a difference was joining the gym. I started going while both girls were at school and nursery, and over time, I saw real changes in myself. That new routine helped me rebuild confidence and eventually led me to meet my now‑husband in mid‑2018.

My second major downward spiral came in 2019. James and I were expecting our first baby together, and we were so happy. But on 5 April, during our routine 20‑week scan, we heard the words every parent dreads: “I’m sorry, I can’t find a heartbeat.” We were sent to the main hospital for confirmation, and on 6 April 2019, our baby boy was born sleeping. That day changed everything. My cry echoed through the room, and I knew life would never be the same.

In the months that followed, I didn’t seek help straight away. My focus was on my family and planning a funeral—something I never imagined I’d have to do, let alone for my baby. In those early days, I found APUK  - Angel Parents UL & Worldwide while searching for baby loss support, as there was none locally. I was quiet at first, but by 2022, I began attending workshops, and in November 2023, I became a volunteer. That step helped me reconnect with others and find purpose again.

Around the same time, I joined Lucy’s Ellie’s Gift Project and completed her six‑week baby-loss mindfulness course in summer 2023. It helped me feel more connected and grounded, and I continued attending some of her weekly sessions. The online support I received was invaluable—it helped me navigate grief and begin healing.

Later that year, I sought counselling through Helping Hands, but they could only offer six weeks. Just as I started making progress, the sessions ended, and I felt deflated. Still, the mindfulness work helped me manage a lot of emotions. By late 2024, I found myself struggling again and was referred to Be Well Counselling Services. This time, the support was ongoing and flexible. My counsellor allowed me to continue until I felt ready, even through my baby’s angelversary. During that period, I also began attending local mental health support groups—one in the morning focused on crafts, where I bring my paint‑by‑numbers project, and another in the evening for women to talk openly about their week. Both groups have helped me rebuild confidence and socialise again.

On Wednesday evenings, I also attend a burlesque chair dance class, which has been transformative. Before joining, I rarely left the house except to care for my mum. I had lost myself for many years—I was just a shell. Now, I’m proud of how far I’ve come, of pushing myself to seek help, and of doing things that nurture me.

The baby loss community has helped me open up about my grief and find comfort in knowing I’m not alone. Everything I do—from making cards and graphics to spending time in Baby Boo’s corner in my garden—is a way to honour his memory. It reminds me, and others, that our babies matter. They will always be a part of us.